My special guest for today is Lisa Fabrega, a multiple six-figure coach, writer and leadership innovator. Lisa believes that every time you hold back, self-sabotage, and keep yourself from stepping into the leadership you know you were born to embody, you are affecting the fate of the world, because you are removing a key player that assists in its evolution—YOU.
Her purpose is to help people unleash their inner Gandhi, Mother Teresa or MLK’s (or helping ordinary people achieve extraordinary things) so that they can make a powerful impact in the world.
For this reason, Lisa’s clients call her the “Courage Curator” and refer to her as “the secret weapon for the world’s next great thought leaders”.
In this powerful interview, Lisa will share with us:
- How she built her multiple 6-figure business from a 500 person email list.
- Tips and strategies on how to authentically share your truth and connect with your audience.
- Her gracious & evolved technique for handling negative comments and feedback from people in your social media communities.
- What “life purpose” means to her.
- What it takes to effectively change the world as an entrepreneur.
- And much, much more!
Download the Audio Master Class
In the Master Class, which you can download for free at www.EntrepreneursForAChange.com/52, Lisa will share with us her blueprint for creating a high-level Mastermind program that is successful and profitable.
In this Master Class, you will learn:
- Signs that your community is ready to embrace a premium Mastermind program.
- The best time in your business growth to roll out this high-level Mastermind.
- The most important criteria you need to consider when designing a transformational Mastermind program.
- How long it will realistically take to plan your high-level Mastermind program from concept to launch.
- Smart, savvy advice on how to avoid incurring financial losses on your Mastermind retreat and tips on how to stay within your budget.
Mentioned in this interview
- Marie Forleo
Where to Find Lisa
- Visit Lisa’s Website
- Free Training Audio from Lisa
- Join Lisa’s Facebook page
- Follow Lisa on Twitter
- Subscribe to Lisa’s YouTube Channel
Full Episode Transcript
Lorna Li: Hello there Lisa. It’s such a pleasure to have you with me on this podcast. I am so impressed with the success that you were able to achieve as a business coach. I’d love to find out more about how we might be able to replicate that success.
So, let’s kick it off by first starting off by introducing yourself to our audience. Who are you and what is your business?
Lisa: Sure! I’m Lisa Fabrega. I’m the founder of the lisafabrega.com. I’m a writer and a coach. Some of my clients called me a “courage curator.” Basically what I do is I help you get rid all of the stuff, all of the fear and anxiety liming beliefs that are holding you back from becoming the powerful leader that you know you are meant to be in the world. So that you can make a big chain and a big impact in the world around you.
Lorna: So, who are the clients that you tend to work with?
Lisa: They tend to be entrepreneurs, man or women who either are leaving an old project, an old business and starting a new one; and they’re afraid because the new one tends to be more aligned with who they are and they’re going to be more visible fully as themselves versus hiding behind the brand name or something like that. And so, they’re looking to just make sure that they can really hold that container for such large audiences and make sure that what they’re putting out there really is who they are versus some sort of version of a business that people would like but it’s not necessarily something they want to keep up long term. Or it can also be people who are just starting out and have had success in other areas and they’re feeling called to start their own thing – a more purpose-based business.
All the fears and the doubts that come up along the way in terms of being visible just fully standing in your truth of who you are – I work with those as well. And once we get passed those, then it’s deciding what type of a leader do you want to be. What’s in alignment for you? What’s the exact type of impact you want to be making in the world and how do we get you aligned with that in the way that feels authentic to you?
Lorna: So, what inspired you to become an entrepreneur especially one who helps other entrepreneurs overcome fears, anxieties and liming beliefs? Was it a gradual progression or do you have an “AHA” moment that led you to decide to start the business that you have now?
Lisa: Oh, for sure, I mean, when I started my business, I was an actor in New York city. And the reason I even decide to start my own business was that I never knew that I had the potential to do that. I was still very much in that mindset “If you need money, you do a 9-5.”
And I didn’t know that I could actually be the creator of my own financial abundance. A friend of mine, he was also an actor who came up to me and said, “You know, I started this coaching business and it’s going really well and I’ve been able to stop working at my nine to five job just to pay my bills. This is really flexible. I’m my own boss. I can grow my additions whenever I want to.” And I felt, “Oh! Well, if she can do that, I want to do that”.
And so I actually enrolled to a coaching school that she had gone to. It was a huge risk for me. It was a huge risk, it was very scary because I at that time had just been laid off of my job and I was living on unemployment desperately trying to find another job.
I remember, I had to borrow money to pay for the coaching school. And the night before I signed up for the coaching school; it felt like just a huge leap and such a huge decision. And I knew this decision was going to make an impact. I didn’t know if it’s going to be negative or positive but when you can feel the impact of the decision, and so I remember I cried the night that I called to sign up for the school because I was so terrified. And I kept thinking, how is this going to work? What if I suck? What if I fail? I’m going to be like nine thousand in a hole from the school. And I did it anyway.
I started my business right before I graduated from my coaching school and just started hustling to get clients.
For the first two years, my business did not so badly, I mean, just a natural progression of a business owner. I’ve always been a hustler. I always have worked in willing to do the work to get to where I need to go. But starting to notice at the end of the second year that my message have been changing and what I had actually done is when I had started my business, I had just picked what I thought would be most popular based on what I was seeing around me and I had followed like the templates that other people had followed. And what was happening is that it had gotten me a certain level of success but it wasn’t the type of success that I was creating. And I was working for this with like 12 to 14 hours a day.
And I wasn’t pulling in the amount of money that I should be pulling in for working that hard. And there were all these things that I had been longing to say to my audience. I was having this incredible transformational experiences with my clients as I was working with them privately. And because my brand was evolving behind the scenes but it didn’t quite fit in with the branch or the business that I had built, I was holding back all of this juicy stuff. And for me, I have to speak my truth or literally my body gets sick until I do. And that’s exactly what happened. I went to visit my parents for a holiday. When I got to my parent’s house. I got violently sick.
I was so sick I had to lie on bed for a week and I could not get out of bed. And it was not even the kind of sick where you can like watch reruns at home with How I Met Your Mother and while you’re in bed – no. It was a kind of sick where all I could do is look up at the ceiling and that really forced me to be with myself. And to really have a reckoning with myself as to what I was unhappy with and what I was happy with; what was working and what wasn’t working and I realized how miserable I was and how I just wanted to quit and how fed up.
I was working so hard not having a life and holding back all the stuff that I wanted to be sharing with my community because it didn’t “fit in” with my brand. And so, I kind of have this breaking point where I was like “screw this”.
If I don’t say what I want to say, I’m quitting because it’s not worth it to feel this way. I remember when I started to feel a little bit better, I just started to pour out all the stuff I’ve been wanting to say for years about all the different topics and a lot of it was business-related. And I didn’t start out as a business coach. I was afraid that people would sort of pick at me for trying to talk about business.
Those were all the types of silly theories that we have and I did my first Facebook post and it was just like pure like my truth. This is what I think, this is what I feel and I’m tired of people doing this to themselves. And within minutes, I had more likes and more comments than I’d ever had.
People started going nuts over my daily posts and my whole business exploded. And it has turned into a very successful multi-six-figure little mini-empire that continues to grow.
For me, it’s not even about the income. For me, it’s about the fact that the work I’m doing now, it just feels so damn good because it’s so aligned with who I am. My brand gets to be who I am. And people loved that and people who don’t are just not my client. And because I’m just who I am fully, in my branding in everything I say or do.
Number one: it’s much easier. So I don’t work hard as much as I used to. I have much more free time because I know exactly what to say. And number two: it has attracted the most perfect clients for me. Whereas before, I used to have clients that would sometimes drain me and didn’t feel like the right fit. But it’s like I have a business and I have to keep it going and maybe this is just the way with all the clients. Now I know. Whenever I’m going to have a phone with a client or with the group, because mostly I coach in high level groups now, I just got so excited now because I love the people. They’re going to be on the call. I love my community. I love the people who get my newsletter. I love the people that I get to speak to on Facebook. So, that’s been my journey.
Lorna: Wow! So, you started off as a different kind of coach? What were you helping people with them and when were you able to transition to business from a different demographic – from where you started?
Lisa: Yeah. So I started as an emotional eating coach which was really hysterical to me. Now that I look back on it, and I probably did that for about a year. And then, what started to emerge was that I thought, “Well. You know, I’m kind of not too crazy about the emotional eating thing.” So, I’m just going to – I also have an incredible amount of knowledge about Detox because I had used detox to heal my body of all sorts of illnesses that I had. And so, well I thought maybe I need to be a Detox coach. And so, I became a Detox coach. And I got a little more recognition for that because it was what was popular at that time.
But again, notice how I was making decisions on what was popular at that time, not on what am I really truly called here to do. And what started to happen for me is that I noticed that all my clients, once they got the fruit part down which was not smart women, smart people, smart men or women, they’re not going to. They’ll get it after a couple of session of it and then they’ll know what they need to do. All sorts of other stuffs are coming out in our sessions. And most of my clients for some reasons there are always have entrepreneurs. And a lot of people on my list at the beginning were peers who had gone to school with me, who were curious about what I was doing.
I always kind of had a group of who wants to be or current entrepreneurs following me no matter what I was doing. And what sort of happening is my clients who came to me for Detox were sort of really talking about their lives and their businesses. And because I was building a business, I had expertise. I knew what it was like to be in the trenches.
In the third year of my business, the rate of the transition is literally like I explained to you. It was like plunging into a cold Arctic waters. It was like I’m fed up and I’m finally going to start talking about business because that’s what I’ve been seeing people be so out of alignment in and my clients are coming to me and talking to me about their businesses. And everybody who’s coming to me as a person or as a calling, and the way that translates to our world today is basically starting your own business or starting your own project or your own thing.
I didn’t really make any transition. I just jumped right in but with my first Facebook post, and I started talking about it. And then people started coming to me for it. And lo and behold, I had very good talent for it which I didn’t even know I did. So, that’s how I made the transition.
Lorna: Okay, so, I’m so curious about how you walk the fine line between sharing yourself authentically on Facebook and publicly through social media? And if you have any tips on how to do this because sometimes for me personally. It’s unclear like how authentic I need to be? As for the business person and also within my community about some things that might be going on with my life versus whether I need to self-censure because of being somewhat a public official? So do you have any tips on how to share it authentically in such a way that allows vulnerability to come through in such a way that connects with your audience but doesn’t necessarily give the wrong impression or vibes so to speak?
Lisa: I think there’s two ways to answer the question. Number one is that if you’re overly thinking about how to be authentic, you’re missing the whole point. If you’re trying to figure out how to be vulnerable, you’re missing the whole point because it’s not something we can calculate.
Vulnerability and authenticity is just who you are. With that being said, it’s not like we go on and vomit everything that’s on our mind even when we’re having a bad day on to social media because when it comes down to it, we’re here to serve our audience. And so, there are stories from my life. I mean, I’m very vulnerable. I’m super transparent with my people. And some people haven’t liked it and too bad you’re not my audience then. Because my message for my people is to live authentically and be who you are. And so, if I’m holding back, then I’m not walking my talk. And it’s my responsibility to be a mirror of that – a mirror of that for my people. But at the same time, I had a friend many years ago who her business was kind of falling apart. And she was sharing all on her Facebook, all of her fear and her freak outs, and I finally sent her a message. And I’m like, “Listen. I don’t think you’re actually being helpful to your audience by doing this.” So that’s like an example of saying everything without considering how it’s affecting your audience. So, the questions I always asks myself before I share is not how I – I don’t ask myself how I’m going to look. Because for me, it’s not about me, it’s about my people. So that’s the first thing I would say. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
Number two, ask yourself, “Is this going to serve my people?” Like is this really going to serve? So, there are stories in my life that are really compelling stories but they really don’t – until I find a way if they’re really going to serve my people, there’s no point in telling them. And number two is that you have to ask yourself, “Do I want to contribute to expansion in the world or do I want to contribute to contraction in the world?”
And if you’re here to make an impact, a positive impact, if you’re here to help people, then most likely you’re here to contribute to expansion. And you have to be very aware of the fact that when you’re in a public position, when people are seeing you, you do have an utter responsibility of weighing your words heavily. I don’t mean holding back and suppressing who you are. I mean, is what I’m about to say, is what I’m about to write to a large form of people going to expand or contract them? And I think that’s a really good check to do of yourself. And that’s what I do before I post anything.
My posts are very edgy, my posts are push buttons to expand you. But I’m not going to go on and write a paragraph about when I’m really in a bad mood about how I hate the world because what purpose would that serve? It serves no purpose. It’s just complaining on Facebook.
My vision to my people is to uplift them and empower them. So, me having a crappy day and pitching about it on Facebook is not really going to serve my people because it’s not empowering them or uplifting them. It’s just them having to take in more verbal garbage from somebody on Facebook. So, those are sort of the questions I ask myself.
Lorna: How do you deal with trolls? Let’s say if you do post something edgy and somebody comes on to your update and actually starts to get really aggressive with you? How do you handle a commentary like that in the public?
Lisa: Yeah. Well, I get it all the time. I get – one time I was advertising a free tele-class I was doing and it was hysterical. I don’t know what was in the air during that week but the hate comment I was getting were just insane. I was laughing so hard because they were just horrible. I mean, they were just making comments about my weight, my appearance. I mean, nothing to do with the tele-class I was promoting.
The class was about how to – the class was something like how to make more money doing what you love. It was something similar to that. And this woman wrote something like “You’re everything that’s wrong with this world. F*off with your disgusting money.”
It was really mean, angry comment. And here’s how I see it. When it first happened to me, I used to get so hurt and so upset. And I think most people are afraid that will happen and so they rather just not playful out or be really who they are because they’re afraid that’s going to happen. But the first thing you have to understand is that it’s not personal.
Everything that person is saying to you is just a projection and the reflection of the struggles they’re going through. So, for example, that woman who made that comment about the money and told me about how everything that was wrong and whatever, I bet you that she was having a deep struggle with money and was probably very feeling very lacking with money. And so, I became a perfect mirror for her of a possibility of making money, and she wasn’t ready to receive it and she lashed out. So, it’s not personal at all and never is. Nothing is personal. All the types of things are projections. People are projecting their shit on to you. And so, here’s the deal. When you’re stepping into a leadership position, sorry but you have to be willing to accept the people are going to project on to you, period. There’s no way of getting around it. People will always project on to you because we’re all mirrors for each other.
Number two is that, and this is what I teach the people that I work with. The most important quality that you can possess as a leader is compassion. Because here’s the deal: the world is full of violence. People fighting each other, people rejecting each other, there’s wars between countries doing the same thing to each other, and if you’re truly here to lead expansion in the world, if you’re truly here to help people, then you have to be the embodiment of compassion.
And what that means is that when you see that really mean comment, I don’t make it about me getting triggered and then like get into a fight with the person and tell them to F* off because they were just a huge jerk to me. What was that going to accomplish? That’s serving contraction. That’s just perpetuating a pattern that that person is stuck in and they’re projecting on to me. So for me, I lead much more powerfully, if my intension is truly to heal and transform, truly to expand, then I lead more powerfully and I create a transformation when I respond to that person with deep compassion, or I don’t even have to respond. I can just send them deep love and compassion.
Lorna: So how did you respond to that woman? Did you reply to her at all? Did you block her?
Lisa: No, I didn’t. I just left it. I sent her a ton of love and I went on with my day. There are some people who are repeat offenders and will… and so, they’re not really interested in conversation or expansion or transformation, they’re just looking to dump their stuff on to you. And if that happens repeatedly, then my assistant will block them just because I also view my Facebook group and the places where my people can deem as a safe space and I view myself as a keeper of that safe space.
So if somebody keeps doing it, then they’re now starting to violate the space for other people and so, that’s when they get blocked. But honestly, what I do is I look at that person and I ask myself “who is that in me?” Because we’re all reflections of each other. So that woman who left a really nasty comment about money, she’s me. There’s a part of me that is like that. And it’s an invitation for me to go deeper and see that part of myself and send it deep love, because when I do that, she receives the love too.
Lorna: That is really fantastic advice and I so appreciate you sharing. I think a lot of us who are more and more in the public eye, it’s a learning process to understand and to develop the way that you share with the world. And each person has a personal style as well, but also to think about the audience and those specific points that you shared. That’s like a very powerful approach because I think that it’s really easy to just without too much forethought share thoughts on Facebook and on Twitter.
And most people do that. Most people who have an account or doing these things in a social context. But as a public figure, as a media professional, I think there is indeed an extra level of responsibility and that will come with a certain consideration on the points that you mentioned. So, thank you so much for sharing.
Lisa: You’re welcome and I just want to add one more thing. In studying leaders and people who made change in the world, this approach is the only way to keep your business long term sustainable for you. Because if you let it get to you, every time somebody makes a hate comment, you’re going to be destroyed and you won’t be able to continue. So we have to call to the compassion ability. We have to call to it’s not a personal ability every day. Because the bigger you get, the more hate mail you’re going to get because not everybody is going to love you and that’s okay. You just have to like build the muscle to be able to see that it’s not really about you at all.
Lorna: Thank you. So, I’m so curious to ask you about your experience that you shared on your website about how you were able to grow in multiple six figure coaching business with the list of 500 people in your website.
How were you able to track 500 hot leads to begin with? Was it through a tele summit launch? I’d love to discover how we might be able to model your success especially for those entrepreneurs who were just starting out.
Lisa: Sure! It’s so funny. I just taught a class about this a couple of days ago to another group of entrepreneurs. So, I’ll give you all the juicy stuff I gave them. The most important thing is to be of service and to give value. And that is how I built a six figure business on a 500 person list is that I was always giving value and just giving and giving and giving to my community. And that made them trust me and they just loved so much all the content they got. I mean, I wasn’t giving away like the baby with the bath water so it’s not like I was just giving them everything away. And then nobody felt they need to work with me because of that. But I was always just giving and giving and giving little tidbits; a helpful hints; little gifts to my list and that really built a really strong rapport in our really loyal community.
And that’s when I have 500 to get the 500, the first year of my business. Again, it’s just focused on giving. Every single month, I did a free tele class. And I would advertise it on Facebook. I would ask friends to post it on their Facebook walls. I mean, everywhere I could get that tele class to be put, I would put it. I would paste it on the forum for my coaching school. I would paste it in the forums that I belong to on Facebook. The few people that I have on my list, I’d say forwarded to a friend. And little by little, when I first thing was I have 25 people signed up. And the actual class date came and nobody was on the call. So, I actually spoke into a recording all by myself pretending like there’s people on the call.
Lorna: I think everyone dreads that, right?
Lisa: It’s part of the journey. That’s a part of it. So that happens, you’re not a failure you’re a track.
Lorna: Okay. It’s happened to the biggest.
Lisa: It happened to all of us and it still happens. Even when you’re really big. I just did an event and I announced it really last minute just as an experiment. And I was like, “Oh! I got 40 people. I have 5 people.” And you know what? I didn’t care because I was so happy to be able to teach the material I was going to teach. That was like,”Cool!” It’s just going to be a super intimate group.
You know, even me, I could only get five people on a short notice on a weird random day which was one of my event was. That’s how I did it. I did three teleclass every month. Then little by little, people kind of started to find out that this girl, “Hey! This girl Lisa does this free tele class every month.” It was in a different topic every month. And it started bringing people in. and what’s really cool about teleclass is that people can start to experience you – alive over the phone. And they really start to feel it what’s it like to be around you. They start to build trust with you because people aren’t going to give you their money until they trust you.
I’m not just going to walk up to run a person on the street. I’ll be like, “here’s $5000,” no. I need to know you. I need to know that like you’re legit. I need to know that your business were longer than three months because what if like you’ll take my money and then your business shuts down.
So just be consistent in a consistent phase in front of your people over and over again. Start by building trust and eventually, my teleclass starts to get 50 people, a hundred people 500 people. And now for me, it’s just regularly getting between 500 to 1000 people on to a teleclass. I only do teleclasses like two or three times a year when I’m launching something now. But if you are really serious, do a teleclass every month.
Lorna: And so, how many months do you do your monthly teleclass before you started to – until you have that list of 500?
Lisa: I would say about a year. It was a year of just consistently… because teleclasses are great list builders. Because as your advertising on your people unto their name and email to sign up to be on the teleclass. And if you teach really kick-ass teleclass and then you follow up with a really great content regularly. That’s the other thing. It wasn’t just teleclasses, I was regularly sending newsletters out to my community and I wasn’t like, “Oh! I’ll send one out this month but I’m way two months and I’ll send another one. And I’ll send four in one month then two another.” That feels really inconsistent and like not stable to people. So I was very consistent. When I first started out, it was once every two weeks. Once every two weeks like clockwork. Now, it’s once every week. But yeah, just consistency, consistency, consistency, it’s what starts to build that list.
Lorna: I think your approach is a lot less stressful than hosting a telesummit.
Lisa: Oh my gosh. People would ask, “Why aren’t you doing a telesummit?” I was like, “No way in hell.”
Lorna: Oh my God. Yeah. Yup, yup. I’ve been there, done that. Yeah. I love the kind of like more gradual approach to list building rather than the whole like take over your life for 2 to 3 months, and then boom! It’s over now like you need totally unplug and recuperate.
Lisa: Yeah. And you won’t be having energy to send emails after the telesummit because you’re so exhausted. Well, I don’t even know this is true but I’ve heard I’ve have friends who’ve done telesummits. And got like thousands of people for their list which is awesome. But they are telling me that the list becomes not very responsive. Like it’s not always the best type of list to have. I’m not sure if that’s the case but that’s what I’ve been hearing from a lot of people lately.
Lorna: That’s interesting. I’ve heard the opposite. I’ve heard that telesummit lists are actually warmer because you positioned yourself with 20 other experts for example.
Lorna: Hmm. Interesting, yeah. Do a little bit more research.
Lorna: So, what you just described to me then. The monthly teleclasses and like the regular content and giving value, is this then the secret in creating tribe of loyal raving fans that want to participate in every program you create? Or is there more to that?
Lisa: Yes, that’s one of the secrets and the other secret is to be authentically you. And I’ll tell you why.
My people love me. They love me and I freaking love them like there’s real love there. And it’s because I give everything to my people. And that means I’m writing them my newsletters to them. I put a good two-three hours into each one every week because I want to make sure it’s going to rock their world every time I send it out.
And based on their feedback, it does. So it’s not just an email that’s like, “Hey. Come buy this from me” because that just feels like somebody’s using you. It’s like a really rich email. If you’re not a good writer, it could be a video. It could be an audio. It doesn’t have to be in written word. And on Facebook, I write content too. So, it’s different from my newsletter. So, they’re getting like daily inspiration on Facebook. I have a woman that I hired to do memes for me. And she creates this beautiful graphics with my quotes on them for inspiration for people.
And the top thing that people tell me, I mean, my audience is very responsive. So they write in. they share how they feel when we spoke because I asked them to. And because I give them so much, they’re happy to do that. They’re happy to participate. But the top two things they say to me is number one: “you give me so much and you help me so much on a daily basis whether be on Facebook or something I stumble across on your website.” But number 2 is that “I just love how you own who you are and that’s an inspiration for me. And I just want to be around you so that like I can do that too.”
That’s the top feedback that I get from my people. So, I would say, yes consistently provide good content to your people and be of service and stop thinking about yourself. And number 2: just be you because those are the best types of clients. The ones that you can just be yourself and you don’t have to think about what you look like or if you’re going to send them. My people now, I’m going to call them on their BS. And they freakin’ love it. And then, I don’t have to be spending energy wasting time being somebody I’m not; being nervous that I’m going to be found out which lends into – like a lot of people have this fear of being found out they’re going to be a fraud. I don’t have that fear because I own all my flaws and all the stuff that I am on Facebook. And at this point, if anybody wants to be like, “I found out that this happened when you were 12.” I’ll be like, “Yes, so what? That did happen to me when I was 12.” So, vulnerability is true strength and true power in my opinion.
Lorna: I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. Gosh! I’m just so inspired by all your wonderful advice and I can’t wait to be able to create a community of people with just so much love circulating.
It’s wonderful to be in that place where you can say with complete confidence that your tribe totally loves you and then you love them back. It’s interesting, I think most people end up with a mixed bag. I mean, I would love to say that most of my tribe but then occasionally I have some folks that might have held from high school, For example, all of a sudden come out of this flaming thing. I didn’t know you were so right wing. Okay. And of course, me being a liberal again. So, it’s kind of interesting. But I think that’s something that we all really long for too is to really truly find our community and be able to create it. And I think most of us have a mixed bag of folks within our communities that comes from the different parts of our lives. And sometimes, we grow in different directions and the love that might have been there when you were in your teens – may have really shifted as people have grown and values have changed and all of that.
Do you find that you actually need to do any calling of people from your community? Or have you successfully really just populated your community mostly with people that are your loyal raving fans?
Lisa: Well, I think that – the calling the people kind of self-select out the way that I do it because I’m so like, “Hey! You know what? This is how I do things. And if you don’t like it, you can go somewhere else.” Like there’s I have that energy and it’s not like a defensive like a F.U. type of energy, it’s like “what’s done here is fully owned and I’ve done my work to own that. And if you don’t like it, it’s fine. I love you and there’s just no place for you here.” And so, I find that anybody who like doesn’t because I tried at least to just be as fully me as possible; like I will cuss on my newsletters. Anybody who would have issues with like me being a liberal or cuss, immediately unsubscribes and removes themselves. So again, being really clear on who you are and not apologizing for it, is the best caller of the people that are not relying on what you were doing – number one.
Number two: yes. In the beginning, I did have to block some people or if people were repeatedly offensive, I would just ban them. To be honest with you, I haven’t really have to do that too much. And people who had issues with it, let’s say if it’s a family member or let’s say you can’t ban a family member. But if it’s a family member, they just kind of stop pestering me because I’m not going to stop. Like they can say all they want and “I love you but this is what I believe and I’m going to keep doing it.”
So after a while, they just realized that their words are just having no effect on me so they just give up. Or number two: They just realize that because I’ve tried to approach it with compassion, there’s no react of me to keep pushing on me. It’s like “I love you. I see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry if you feel that way. This is what it’s like for me and we can both agree to disagree.” That seems to calm people down a lot.
I did have an incident recently where a woman on my Facebook page commented under one of my pictures because I guess I was smiling with my teeth in a picture. And I guess I didn’t noticed that I guess I don’t smile a lot with like a big toothy smile normally. And she wrote, “You need to smile more otherwise, you just look pissed off in all your pictures.” And I was like, “Wow!” At first, I got triggered and was like, “What the hell! Why am I being judged?” But then I was like, “Wait, no! you’re supposed to be inviting compassion and you’re supposed to be really seeing the person and seeing their pains.” And so, people only propagate pain when they’re experiencing pain. And so I read her comment and I was like, “Oh! You know what?” People have probably told her that she needs to smile more. She probably had shame over not being a certain way because people keep pushing her to be that way.
And so, I wrote back to her and I said, “Thank you so much for your perspective. And thank you for commenting to my photo.” And I said, ”You know, when I experienced your comment, I experienced that like you’re trying to ask me to be somebody that I’m not. And I’m curious if that’s how you meant in the comment.” And she said something like, “Well. I just think that you should smile more. You look prettier when you smile.” And then I said, “I understand. But I wonder if there’s a trigger in here for you because I have many different types of smiles and I’m not thinking about how I was smiling when somebody is taking a picture of me. I’m just smiling naturally. I’m not doing like the fake smile thing.” And she wrote back and she went, “Oh my God.” And I said, “I wonder like what I’m mirroring back to you here.” And she wrote back and she was like, ”you know what? For the past week, everybody has been telling me I should be some way that I don’t want to be. And I just realized that I did the same thing to you. I’m so sorry.”
And it was like this really amazing transformational moment. so I think there’s many ways to approach it but the main thing I would say is that just be compassionate, just see the person’s pain and understand that has nothing to do with you.
Yes, sometimes you will have to set very clear boundaries with people and say, “I’m sorry. I’m going to have to block you.” Or if it’s a family member I’ll say, “The way that you’re speaking to me is really affecting our relationship negatively and if you continue to do this, unfortunately I’m going to have to set having your boundaries in place which will affect our connection and that will make me very sad. But it’s what I’m going to have to do.” And I find it when I say it that way, people will respect it.
Lorna: Beautiful, clear, compassionate and firm. I love it. So, part of being authentic I believe is understanding what your purpose is in the world. And I noticed that you helped entrepreneurs discover their purpose and you can help them discover their purpose in four steps. Would you be willing to share that with us?
Lisa: Hmm. In four steps – where did you get that? I’m curious.
Lorna: I think from your website. How to find your purpose in four steps? If that’s evolved since then?
Lisa: An article I wrote.
Lorna: Oh okay. Yeah, maybe.
Lisa: So, here’s the deal with purpose. And I find it my views in purpose is that it evolves constantly.
I think purpose is something that people spend a lot of time and money trying to find. And I think that purpose actually can only be found in the doing. And what I mean by that is – I worked with so many entrepreneurs who have spent months and months and months thinking about what their purpose is and not putting any workout into the world because they want to make sure that what they’re putting there is aligned with their purpose.
But the way purpose has worked for me is that purpose just gives me little hunches and little ideas. So, purpose told me to sign up for the coaching school even though my ego was saying “Well. This may not work.” Or “Do some make-money.” That was what my ego was saying, right? But my purpose was going deeper like, “Just sign up. You’ll see why.”
And then, my ego said, “Oh! Do emotional-eating because that’s popular right now. That will make you a lot of money.” My purpose said, “You know, give your all to these people that you’re talking with.” And so, my purpose nudges me gently for to try different things. And I think the difference between people who never do anything versus people who succeed is that they don’t wait to figure out exactly what their purpose is before they start.
They start anyway and they let the purpose sort of unravel itself, I was being there all along. And that’s where I have found has been my journey. I really truly know that I’m definitely in my purpose right now. And at the same time, I know that my purpose is evolving as I speak. So, in two years from now, my message might be different. But that doesn’t mean I’m stepping into different purpose. Your purpose is not what you do. Your purpose is not your job title. Your purpose is something that you do when you are watering your plants, when you’re eating, when you’re talking to a stranger on the street, when you’re breathing, when you’re talking to your clients, when you’re reading a book. Like your purpose is the embodiment of you in every moment.
So, instead of waiting to like find your purpose, just start following the little hunches you get and trust. Because those little fact doing starts to reveal other steps that you wouldn’t have seen unless you took that first step. And then you can like, “Oh! I can take these two steps in this direction and you take the steps on that direction,” then all of the sudden the all other landscape opens up. But you can only see from that vantage point of having taken those two extra steps. So don’t try to figure out what your purpose is, just follow your hunches and do, do, do, do because almost like 90% of the answers you’re looking for are in the doings.
That’s my like upgraded, evolved view of purpose. And your purpose reveals itself to you as you go along. And it’s not your job title.
Lorna: Thank you so much for sharing that. I love what you just said about purpose coming alive in action because indeed you can spend a lot of time doing formal exercises to either to find what your purpose is. But you won’t truly know unless you get out in there and do it, right?
Lisa: Oh! You know what, I just remembered what you meant by the four steps. It’s actually a part of my program impact. So, what I would say is that… what I always tell people to ask themselves, “If you truly feel like you have absolutely no clue, there are a lot of clues like in your childhood.” So, I ask people questions like I would ask you to ask yourself “What did I most love to do since I was a child?” “What is something that when I was little, I would just lost in for hours and hours?”
You could ask yourself. Also, a fair question would be “What are the qualities that I most admire in the people that I follow?” So like, if you really love Mary Forleo or something, then what are the qualities in her that you really admire? Because very often, those are clues reflecting something back to you that you wish to embody, right? So that can connect you to your profess. And then, another question to ask yourself is, “What are things that now as an adult, if I got paid to do them, I will feel almost guilty because it’s so much fun and it’s so easy to do them.
Lorna: So, you would advice or invite people to ask themselves those specific questions?
Lisa: No. Ask yourself those questions and what I find is that in the answers, as you try to look at your answers to each question, there’s more questions of course. This is something that really has to be on an individualized basis because everybody is so different.
Ask yourself at least to start those four questions because as you start seeing the answers, you’ll start to find connecting threads. And there’s a lot of a little “aha” in your answers as they start to see how they connect with each other. So you may find connections between what you used to love to do as a child and what you love to do now. And start thinking about the qualities that the leaders that you admired have. And that I can start to create a picture for you as to what direction you may want to head in.
But honestly, that’s like a logical approach. I also believe in what I said which is if you have a hunch, follow it and see what happens.
Lorna: I love it. Thank you. So, we’re coming about to the end of our interview segment, I’d love to leave you with this last favorite question of mine. Lisa, what do you think is the most effective way to change the world?
Lisa: The most effective way to change the world is to do the inner work in yourself because you are the world and the world is you. There’s no separation. So, if you work on yourself, if you work on being more authentic, more compassionate, more vulnerable every day, then that’s exactly what you’re going to see reflected in the outer world.
Lorna: Thank you so much. How can we best to in-touch with you Lisa?
Lisa: You can find me on my website: lisafrabega.com. L. I. S. A. F. A. B. R. E. G. A. com. And if you want to shoot me a note in terms of any question you might have or you want to share how this affected you, you can email at [email protected] and I have an amazing team member Michelle who is fabulous. She will receive your email and forward it to me.
Lorna: Thank you so much Lisa. You have a beautiful day.
Lisa: You too. Thank you Lorna.
[END OF RECORDING]
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